ruffians | maybe we show some mercy

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maybe we show some mercy

[Usually, facing your fears means discovering they're not as bad as they seemed in your head. That your mind catastrophises and exaggerates and the reality is nowhere near what it seemed. Eames certainly wishes that were the case here, but it turns out the reality is far worse than anything that crossed his mind. He'd long since come to terms with the idea that getting caught meant death, but the captain of this discreet little crew made a point of talking about "re-education" with such conviction that it seems like a very real possibility. A real possibility that terrifies Eames in ways he didn't even know he could feel.]

[It's hard not to be mad at himself, and in fact he is. He's fucking furious. Years of being meticulous about hiding from the Empire rendered obsolete because some asshole wanted to make some quick money and Eames hadn't spotted the signs even though that's exactly the kind of thing he's supposed to be good at. And now here he is, bound in a cell on a ship, no idea how long he's been here or where they are — no idea about much of anything outside this room, actually — pumped full of power inhibitors to make doubly sure he can't escape.]

[Fucking hell but it hurts. Hands cuffed behind his back, made to stay on his knees for... A long time. Simultaneously can't feel his legs and yet the muscles burn and ache. All of him a mess of cuts and bruises, a mix of injuries from fighting back and some from cruelty passed off as discipline. He thinks his nose might be broken and one of his eyes is swollen into a semi-permanant squint. The longer he kneels here, the more Eames thinks the inhibitor injections were less about preventing escape and more about making sure he couldn't heal away the beatings; making sure he'd suffer through every moment of the trip "home."]

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[Arthur hums and wraps his arms around Eames’ neck, bowing his head to kiss the top of Eames’ head.]

[Eames swallows and presses his face into Arthur's chest. This should be enough for him, to put him at ease for a little while, but it's not. It doesn't do anything for the unease that's always sitting on his chest, and moreover he feels like he owes Arthur some degree of honesty, some clarity about what's going on in his head.]

[The words are tough to get out though. Hard enough to admit to himself, let alone anyone else, and when he speaks it's a murmur into Arthur's shirt.]

I'm so scared all the time now.

[Arthur smooths his hand over Eames’ hair and sighs again, his heart twisting with sympathy. His voice is thick and a little hoarse with all the emotion.]

I know. I would be too.

It feels like even the smallest thing could put me right back in that cell.

[And he hates it. He's always been careful, but never this worried. He passes well for a Terran, it's only the DNA scanners that really ever catch him out, but...]

... When we made that stop it's all I could think about. Anyone in that station could figure me out or be from home. All it takes is some asshole to sell me out again.

I know.

[There are a lot of promises floating around in Arthur's head that he knows he can't make, and he's not going to try and placate Eames by trying.]

We're gonna be careful. More than before.

[Eames appreciates the honesty, sighing softly and letting out another shaky breath.]

Ironic, isn't it? They spent ages drilling into our heads how to overcome fear, that soldiers don't get scared of anything.

[He turns his head a little to rest his cheek on Arthur, voice a little clearer for it.]

It's one of the only things keeping me going right now.

[Arthur sighs, reflecting once again on how much damage the Empire had done to just this one person in his arms and how it must have totally broken countless others. He brushes his fingers through Eames’ hair a little more.]

Well you have me now. If there’s anything I can do, anything you can teach me about how to be better prepared, I want to know.

More of this.

[He squeezes his arms around Arthur for emphasis.]

Everything else is pretty much lies and luck.

[Arthur hums and keeps combing his fingers through Eames' hair.]

We'll make as much luck as we can, then.

You'll be getting lucky for a long time with me around.

[It's funny because he also sounds so tired right now there's no way he's angling for any bangling.]

[Arthur laughs, sounding a mixture of surprise and heavy from emotion. He is looking forward to the day that they can fool around without any of this extra baggage but he knows today is not that day.]

[He doesn't think he's heard Arthur laugh for a while now, so it puts a smile on his face to hear. Eames is quiet for a moment after though, still thinking about everything, and when he does speak it's a bit more serious again.]

I feel safe with you though.

[He turns his head again so his voice is clear.]

I hadn't even realised until all of this.

[Arthur’s silent on that for a moment, feeling his heart tighten once again.]

I’d do anything for you.

Me too.

[There's a bit of a joking tone to his voice when he goes on.]

Part of me's jealous I didn't get to be the hero for you.

[Arthur lets out an amused him.]

I’m glad there aren’t any Terrans roaming the galaxy looking for me, if I’m honest.

Probably for the best. I think being on the run from two governments would take up too much time.

We'd never have any time for the fun stuff.

[He's settling in for real now, closing his eyes and relaxing a little more into his position even as he brushes his hand over Eames' hair.]

You never know, though. I definitely stole a few things here and there back in my day and leaving the planet probably didn't make me very popular.

Well rest assured, I'd kill anyone who tried to take you away from me.

[He says it sleepily, nuzzling back against Arthur's chest. He can tell Arthur's ready to sleep, and Eames is exhausted. He easily starts drifting off, between Arthur's hand on his hair and his heartbeat in his ear, Eames feels so safe and cared for. His only real complaint is that they're still wearing clothes, but that's not going to stop him from falling asleep.]

[Arthur smiles softly and sighs, totally ready to fall asleep here any moment. He didn't even realize how much it took it out of him to be so open and honest with Eames. He speaks in a soft murmur, just a last thing before he drifts off.]

I love you.

[Eames mumbles something in kind, a lazy "love you too" as he drifts off to sleep.]

[Arthur falls asleep and when Eames wakes up with a nightmare he holds him and tells him it's okay. Over the next few weeks things seem to get better - Eames' nightmares seem to slow down and they have a little more fun, both the sexy kind and the non-sexy kind. They start making more frequent stops as well, getting a little more comfortable with the slim odds of them being tracked down by the Empire. Arthur actually smiles more often than not now, indulging in how close it's getting back to being the way it was before.]

[Eames is similar-- He feels better He panics less, he has nightmares less often. Overall he feels better, happier, comfortable in his own skin again.]

[So maybe he's gotten a little... A bit too comfortable. At first, landing down on this station, he felt fine. It's dirty and crowded and full of criminals anf usually this is exactly his kind of place. But the longer they're here, the more Eames feels uneasy and anxious. He feels that panic in his chest like the first time he was around anyone other than Arthur.]

[But he doesn't want to ruin this, so he tries to ignore it. Maybe if he just tries to push through it, it'll be fine. Even if he's slowly starting to pay less and less attention to what Arthur's saying in favour of watching the people around them, eyes restlessly darting back and forth in some attempt to watch everything.]

[Arthur doesn't notice at first. He's become a little complacent too, opting to spend more time at stations when he wants to sit and have a drink. That may not be what they're doing right now but he isn't necessarily in a rush to leave.]

[When he finally looks up at Eames and sees that he's not listening he frowns.]

Something wrong?

Huh?

[He looks at Arthur, trying not to look as wild and panicked as he feels, opting instead to shake his head with a smile.]

I thought I saw something, but I was wrong. That's all.

Okay.

[Arthur's not totally convinced but he doesn't see the need to push. He looks back down at his holo tablet instead, reviewing some notes.]

You wanna grab a bite to eat or something before we head out?

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