ruffians | maybe i should renew my paid

maybe i should renew my paid

[Things have been... Surprisingly smooth, actually. Not to say it's been easy, and Eames has bitten clean through his lip more than once in his attempts to focus on anything except the smell and sound of living people nearby, but aside from the growing pains it sometimes feels like he was meant for this.]

[Of course that's mostly ego talking and Eames knows it, but that doesn't change how it feels.]

[It takes a while for Arthur to broach the subject of drinking straight from the source. He doesn't say it, but Eames knows a month is much longer than Arthur would've liked to wait, but he'd also guess it's both of their nerves that kept putting it off. Truthfully, Eames doesn't think he'd have any particular feelings about killing someone, but he has very strong feelings about losing control of himself. Probably why Eames keeps insisting he's fine with what's in the fridge and visits to Antonia that Eames is steadily enjoying less. Probably because he absolutely twigs that smug look on her face with the unfortunate frequency of their visits. Though Eames does feel a little better whenever he convinces Arthur to let him contribute or foot the bill. He might not have hundreds of years of accumulated wealth, but he has more than enough.]

[When Arthur brings up the topic of drinking straight from someone though, it sets off an anxiety that Eames doesn't fully know how to deal with, so he immediately decides they both need coffee to give himself a moment to get his head on first. Bringing them back with a more calm expression as he presents Arthur's to him.]

Okay, so how does this work?

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[Arthur's a little surprised that Eames doesn't have anything specific in mind, but he supposes that he's just been so hungry that it's hard to hone in on anything. Arthur already has a specific bloodworker in mind, but that's more because of her attitude and experience than anything else.]

[He sighs and nods.]

Listen, I think you're ready for this, but if you're worried about anything going wrong we should talk about it now.

Just... What I assume is normal.

[He shrugs a shoulder, still trying to come across nonchalant and unbothered, but it's less to do with Arthur than it's just the way it's easiest for him to reason things out.]

Obviously if you know someone experienced with this sort of thing, that's best. I'm not exactly going to know how much is too much.

[A slight pause because something else occurs to him, but even if he looks like he has something to say, Eames doesn't.]

It actually takes a lot to really put someone out of commission. You're not exactly running on empty so you'll be full before that point, and hopefully you'll be able to tell when that happens before I have to tell you to stop.

[He reaches out to take Eames' hand, to be soothing and affectionate.]

Something I used to remind myself was that it was more important for them to walk out alive at the end of the night than it was for me to feel good for a day or two. A full body's worth of blood will only keep you at that level for a week or so at most; it's just better to get it in smaller doses and that way you don't have something terrible on your conscience. Or an expensive mess to clean up.

That's assuming I'm in the mind to think about anything at the time.

[He says it and raises an eyebrow like it's a joke, but it's obviously a valid concern.]

[Arthur smiles at him softly, trying to be reassuring.]

Maintaining self awareness is just about practice, which you've already been doing with the fresh blood down at the club. This'll be more overwhelming, but you're still fighting the same instincts.

[His smile goes a bit wry as he looks down at their hands.]

Besides, even if I weren't still strong enough to pin you down, every bloodworker carries some kind of silver with them for protection. That kind of pain will bring you back to yourself very quickly.

[Eames laughs softly and nods, idly brushing his thumb over Arthur's knuckles while he takes a sip of coffee. The silver is a relief, he's been on the receiving end of a vampire not thinking, he's not really confident Arthur could pull him away on his own without some serious injuries being left behind.]

It's just a lot of things I don't know yet, and you know I hate that.

[There's a playful uptick to his voice; as much as he hates not knowing things, Eames does very much enjoy figuring them out. Talking about it, he half thinks it's just a matter of taking that first step to get over any anxieties kicking about. Then he can work at it.]

Yeah, I know.

[He has a playful tone in his voice as well, but there's still a hint of weight there. He leans in to give Eames a kiss on the cheek.]

I'm sure this'll be fine.

[Eames tilts his head up for the kiss with a small smile.]

Well I trust your judgement. Even if I don't necessarily trust myself.

You'll get there. It's a process.

[He neglects to say that it's a process that never really ends. There are still scenarios that Arthur doesn't trust himself in, but they get fewer and farther between with every passing decade.]

I should probably make this call.

Yeah.

[He squeezes Arthur's hand with a tight smile and nods.]

[So Arthur makes the call and a couple nights later it's finally time. Sometime early in the evening (relatively early, for them), Arthur's phone goes off to signal that the woman he called is outside waiting to be let in. He leaves Eames in the apartment to go get her, taking the time from the lobby to their door to give her a full rundown of the situation until he thinks he's within Eames' earshot.]

[She's a sophisticated looking woman. Nice clothes that make the long sleeves and scarf look like a fashion choice rather than the cover-up it actually is. She's approaching forty and she makes it look good, confident as she walks into the apartment and looks around.]

[Arthur stays between her and Eames as he introduces her. She's Joan and she's happy to meet him.]

[Despite his nerves and the fact that she smells amazing, Eames manages to carry himself with some degree of charm and friendliness, smiling warmly as he introduces himself and making a light-hearted joke about her probably knowing too much about him already. He wants her to like him, after all. So long as this ends broadly positively, it'd be useful.]

[He is achingly aware of her presence though, and even with Arthur between them Eames maintains a little distance. He's had plenty of blood already, but he can hear her heart and her breath and smell the life on her, and it almost feels as though he's been starving in days with the prospect of a fresh meal standing here in front of him.]

[Once the introductions are done, Eames moves to lead the way to the bedroom and asks Joan if she'd like anything before they get started.]

[She doesn't. Arthur knows bloodworkers generally won't turn down an offer of a drink or something to eat but it's best not to let one's guard down if you know the vampire you're about to interact with doesn't have a lot of experience. No point in dragging this whole thing out longer than it needs to be anyway.]

[She makes herself comfortable and explains that she only lets new vampires drink from her arm, which Arthur agrees is a pretty good rule, and that she has a thin silver chain that she wraps around her other hand in case she needs to push them off. She says she always gives a verbal warning first but she's not afraid to use it if she needs to.]

[When that's all done she rolls up the sleeve on her left arm to reveal a smattering of scars from previous bite, including at least one that looks like it got a little ugly. Arthur takes Eames' hand, still standing somewhat between them.]

For right now you can just bite where the scars already are, but we can talk about how to avoid tendons and ligaments later, okay?

[He looks at Joan and gives Eames' hand a squeeze.]

You ready?

[Eames listens carefully and nods at Arthur's question, squeezing back before he slips his hand away to gently take her arm to lift to his mouth. He's distracted for a moment, gaze flicking from the scars on her arm to the ones on his own inner arm and he thumbs over one of them.]

[It's a brief moment of hesitation, there's no point putting it off really, nor does Eames really know why he'd even want to. Some part of him clearly has no interest in waiting any longer; his fangs are already out and he's practically salivating already.]

[He's not sure anything in his life has ever felt this good, and when Eames bites down and gets that first taste he lets out a quiet groan despite himself. He swallows and it's like feeling his whole body come alive, everything sharper for it. Eames has to fight with himself not to bear down harder, shoulders squaring with the tension it takes not to tear into Joan.]

[Arthur can tell Eames is tense, but he's already decided he's not going to intervene unless there's an actual problem. It's a little mesmerizing actually, watching Eames drink, but he tears his eyes away to watch Joan instead so he can tell when she's had enough before she has to do anything about it.]

[After a little while, Joan gives him a little nod and he puts his hand on Eames' shoulder carefully.]

Eames?

[Eames' immediate response is practically a snarl, the thought of stopping striking him as heresy in the moment. This is everything he's been missing, everything he's needed since being turned. He couldn't possibly give that up.]

[It's probably only a few moments, but it feels like an eternity that Eames spends wrestling with the knowledge in the back of his mind that he should stop, versus every instinct in him screaming that he needs to drink until there's nothing left. His grip on Joan's arm tightens for a moment, but just a moment. Of everything, it's his pride that wins, though just barely. It's not a desire not to hurt her, or wanting to avoid any problems, or even some sense that he's had enough. It's the weight of his ego refusing to allow him to be some uncontrollable monster. Not on a full stomach at any rate.]

[Even with that resolution, he's slow to stop. Grip relaxing before he lifts his head, (pausing first to lick up some rivulets of blood that escaped, of course,) gaze fixed on those neat little punctures with the knowledge of how easy he could go back for another taste. He has to force himself to look away, looking at Joan's face. His smile is probably a little grim, but he forces one and clears his throat. She's probably used to seeing similar anyway.]

I'll get you something to clean up.

[It's really an excuse to put some distance between himself and the smell of fresh blood, but it also only seems polite.]

[The smell of fresh blood in the room is hard to ignore, but Arthur manages to fight off both the instinct to ask Joan if she can take another bite and the instinct to follow Eames and kiss him just to get a taste. It can all wait. Right now it's just important to get her paid, cleaned up, and out of the apartment so Eames can relax and finally enjoy the high of his first bite.]

[Eames takes a little while longer than one might expect just getting a damp cloth to take. He wipes at his face first just to get the blood off his lips and chin and then he takes his time getting a washcloth. Just giving himself the space to clear the red in his eyes. It's probably a bit more of that that makes him look for a bit of antiseptic out of the cabinet while he's at it.]

[When he comes back, it's with that forced nonchalance as he sits down and asks Joan if she minds before he wipes up her arm and applies a little of the cream. It's for himself rather than her, and maybe it's a little shitty to test his resolve on her, but Eames needs to know he can do this. Even if he has to clench his jaw and square his shoulders to control himself.]

[Arthur keeps up the small talk with Joan while that happens, mostly to keep the air from getting too tense. They're both still highly aware of what Eames is doing and his proximity to her, and she still has the silver chain wrapped around her hand, but neither of them wants to interrupt him. They talk shop a little bit, staying away from the heavier subjects and trading a couple updates. All of it wraps up when it seems like Eames is finished.]

My wallet's out in the entryway if you want to get going.

[He waits for her to get up before he follows her out, putting himself back between them.]

[Eames starts as if to follow them out, but he decides to stay put instead. They might want to talk about stuff without him, or just not have his presence around in general. Instead he smiles at her and says his goodbye from the bed.]

[Arthur's in a bit of a rush to get her out the door but he certainly isn't rude about it, paying her above her regular rate and thanking her graciously for her time. Once she's gone and heading down the hall he breathes a sigh, smiling to himself before he turns to go back to the bedroom.

[Is Eames really processing his feelings? No. What Eames knows is he feels better than he ever has in his entire existence, it's just him and his boyfriend in the flat now. The second Arthur's back in the bedroom, Eames reaches for him to pull him over for a kiss.]

[Arthur hums and puts his hand on the back of Eames' neck, immediately trying to slip his tongue into Eames' mouth to get a taste of the blood. The smell of it is lingering in the room and Arthur can feel Eames' temperature rising already, which is impressive given how high it was for a vampire to begin with. At this point Arthur just wants all of him; he wants to know how good Eames feels and to share this moment with him as fully as possible.]

[Eames hums and tries to pull Arthur closer, right onto his lap ideally. It's not even that he's horny specifically, (though of course he is,) so much as this is the best way he knows to express how good he feels right now. He feels electric, like he could do anything right now. Like he could run a marathon and not even feel a little winded. It's exciting to say the least.]

[Arthur slips right into his lap, pressing himself right up against Eames with a soft groan. This is the feeling he's wanted Eames to have all along, to feel more alive than might ever have been possible before. He's ready for whatever Eames wants to do.]

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