just rename this musebox 'the dump'

[traumatizing]

[If he hates parties, Terry hates the inter-label parties even more. It's exhausting being around all these people and pretending not to hate everything and everyone and having to introduce himself to all these Virgo people as if he cares about these conversations and doesn't just want to go back to his bed.]

[He's coming in from a smoke break (read: going outside in a desperate bid to get away from people for 10 minutes) when he bumps into someone on his way back in and immediately puts his hands out to steady whoever it was as if he's in any way bulky enough to knock someone bigger than a toddler over.]

Shit-- Sorry.

Comments

[thelittlemerman]

[Finnick turns and puts a hand on Terry's shoulder, trying to give him a reassuring and sympathetic look.]

It was fun, there's just a lot that's fucked up right now.

[traumatizing]

[He has to fight the urge to ask how Finnick can say that and frowns. He doesn't really look convinced by that, but Terry doesn’t want any of this to be about him.]

Just right now?

[thelittlemerman]

It comes in waves.

[He keeps his hand on Terry's shoulder, trying very hard not to show how much he doesn't want him to go right now. He'll let him if he must, but Finnick doesn't want to be alone.]

Are you okay? I must have scared you.

[traumatizing]

Yeah, I'm just...

[He glances up at Finnick's face, trying to force a smile but he's never been good at that. Terry knows at least he doesn't want to leave Finnick alone tonight but he also needs to do something about everything he's thinking and feeling right now, because none of it is good.]

I need a shower real quick.

[thelittlemerman]

Sure.

[He drops his hand at last and decides he'll just shower when Terry's done, turning away and going to the bed. He's going to pull the covers back and slip under them so he can lay down and recover while he waits.]

[traumatizing]

[He's only in there about ten minutes, letting the hiss of the water drown out all the noise in his head so he can think a little more clearly. There's a lot of complicated feelings he's feeling right now but Terry doesn't want to deal with all that.]

[When he's done, he comes back out and sits on the bed next to Finnick while he dries his hair. A little pink from the hot water but nobody pay attention to that. His makeup's also smudged around his eyes because of it but no one pay attention to that either.]

You alright?

[thelittlemerman]

I'm fine.

[He starts to get up, figuring he should shower as well since he's a bit of a mess.]

Are you?

[traumatizing]

Yeah, I'm good.

[His smile's a little less obviously fake this time and everything.]

[thelittlemerman]

Okay.

[Finnick nods and takes a deep breath as he retreats to the bathroom, still unabashedly naked. He's not going to spend a long time in the shower, feeling very worn out and ready to just relax for a bit. When he gets back he's still just naked, drying his hair as he walks back towards the bed.]

[traumatizing]

[Terry's curled himself up under the covers in the meantime, playing some dumb game on his phone. He's also taken a beer out of the minibar to enjoy. Rock'n'roll.]

[thelittlemerman]

[Finnick stops to grab a beer as well, and then he stops to put on his underwear, following Terry's lead on the level of modesty he should be showing. He'd usually just sleep without but he doesn't want to make Terry uncomfortable.]

[He's a bit hesitant when he slips into bed.]

You still okay?

[traumatizing]

Yeah.

[He looks up at Finnick and nods, rolling onto his back after a moment with a gentle sigh.]

It's okay if I stay here right?

[thelittlemerman]

I'd rather you did.

[Finnick lays down on his side facing Terry, looking significantly more relaxed.]

I want to make sure you're alright, though.

[traumatizing]

[He laughs a little at that, soft and a bit bashful.]

I could say the same to you.

[thelittlemerman]

[Finnick sighs and shakes his head, tired.]

Whatever this is, I've endured it for this long. I just feel bad that I've drawn you into it.

[traumatizing]

It's fine. I could've left if I didn't want to deal with it.

[He turns back onto his side so he can look at Finnick.]

I meant what I said though. You can call me whenever if you need a night off or if you need to talk or whatever.

[thelittlemerman]

[Finnick offers him a weak smile, deciding not to tell Terry he's never going to do that. He's burdened him enough.]

[He's quiet for a moment as he runs his fingers over the sheets between them.]

I just don't want you to leave here feeling like you did something wrong. I know how it must have looked, when I...

[traumatizing]

[Terry does frown at that, looking away and thinking about how to reply. Because he does feel like he did something wrong but it's more complicated than Finnick not being... Satisfied afterward.]

[(Kinda hard not to feel like a piece of shit when someone basically says they felt compelled to sleep with you and they didn't really want to.)]

[But eventually he shakes his head and offers a weak laugh.]

I dunno. Does it make me an asshole for being relieved you weren't upset because of me?

[thelittlemerman]

No.

[He smiles at Terry, genuine and gentle.]

Honestly, this has been happening every time, I've just been able to act like nothing's wrong or get out quickly enough that no one notices.

[traumatizing]

Jesus.

[That is... Extraordinarily far from being reassuring. Terry's expression immediately turns to one of deep concern, eyebrows raised and frown deep like that's one of the worst things he's ever heard. Which, he supposes it might actually be. He lifts his hand to touch Finnick or take his hand or something, but he catches himself and puts his hand down on the bed-- they're not exactly close or anything. It'd probably be weird.]

How the fuck are you-- [Or maybe asking Finnick more questions isn't a good idea.] That's awful.

[thelittlemerman]

[Finnick's eyebrows knit together briefly and he looks down at his hand playing on the sheet.]

Yeah. It is.

[traumatizing]

I'm so sorry.

[It's not like it's his fault or anything but it's still a horrible thing to be going through and he can't even imagine what it's like. He glances down at Finnick's hand and back to his face, expression still worried.]

I wish I could do something for you.

[thelittlemerman]

It's okay.

[It's not okay. None of this is okay, but Finnick doesn't want Terry to worry about this long-term.]

I'll be fine.

[traumatizing]

[He's absolutely going to worry about this long-term.]

It's not okay.

[And the evidence strongly suggests Finnick won't be fine.]

[thelittlemerman]

There's nothing you can do about it.

[Maybe he should sound impatient, but he doesn't, not yet. Somewhere in his brain he's just become at peace with the idea that everything ends eventually, whether it's this hell first or his life, this isn't permanent.]