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baby come back
[It's been some time since Eames has made the trip to Arthur's place, he's forgotten how long the walk from the station is. He kind of regrets not getting a cab or at least waiting for a bus because it is pissing it down with rain and Eames doesn't typically feel the cold that much, but he's soaked to the bone and his clothes are sticking to him and the wind cuts through him something awful. His hair is plastered to his forehead and he's pretty sure these shoes are ruined, to the point he doesn't even think about walking through puddles because it's not like his feet can get any more cold and wet at this point.]
[It's awful. He feels awful. He's cold and soaked and he can't feel his fingers and he just feels so guilty that it's almost scary. It's not like Eames has never been rude or said something uncalled for, but sometimes Eames is cruel and he's never been like that toward Arthur before. At first because he never cared enough, and then because he cared too much, and it's easy to forget how fucking easy it is for him. How he can target what upsets someone so easily and just twist it like a knife, make it into a weapon because he's angry and someone else is a convenient target to take it out on.]
[The worst part, maybe, is that Arthur was trying to help. He was just trying to be helpful and there's a million ways Eames could've told him he couldn't without being an asshole about it, but instead he pushed and he pushed and Arthur left and god he hates it. He's so fucking mad at himself. Spent days alone in the house waiting like it was just gonna blow over and Arthur would just come home as if it was some dumb little spat he needed an hour to cool off from.]
[Arthur's not gone forever, he's relatively sure. At some point he'd come home and be the bigger man about it, but wouldn't that just be another insult on top of everything? To make Arthur be the one to make the peace when Eames is the one who fucked things up to begin with? So here he is, sodden and freezing and miserable, knocking on Arthur's door like he basically never did before.]
[It's awful. He feels awful. He's cold and soaked and he can't feel his fingers and he just feels so guilty that it's almost scary. It's not like Eames has never been rude or said something uncalled for, but sometimes Eames is cruel and he's never been like that toward Arthur before. At first because he never cared enough, and then because he cared too much, and it's easy to forget how fucking easy it is for him. How he can target what upsets someone so easily and just twist it like a knife, make it into a weapon because he's angry and someone else is a convenient target to take it out on.]
[The worst part, maybe, is that Arthur was trying to help. He was just trying to be helpful and there's a million ways Eames could've told him he couldn't without being an asshole about it, but instead he pushed and he pushed and Arthur left and god he hates it. He's so fucking mad at himself. Spent days alone in the house waiting like it was just gonna blow over and Arthur would just come home as if it was some dumb little spat he needed an hour to cool off from.]
[Arthur's not gone forever, he's relatively sure. At some point he'd come home and be the bigger man about it, but wouldn't that just be another insult on top of everything? To make Arthur be the one to make the peace when Eames is the one who fucked things up to begin with? So here he is, sodden and freezing and miserable, knocking on Arthur's door like he basically never did before.]

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You're so, so beautiful like this.
[His voice comes out a little laboured as he starts moving in earnest, fucking back onto Arthur hard as he can manage like this.]
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It feels so fucking good.
[He's struggling not to turn his head and press his face into the pillow.]
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[He's definitely going to be feeling this in the morning, but right now it feels so good and Eames is pretty sure his opinion is only a little coloured by his emotions.]
[His fingers dig in a little harsh around Arthur's wrists before Eames catches himself; it's a fine line to be walking when he's this overwhelmed by how good Arthur feels inside him and how beautiful he is under him. Eames leans down to nip at Arthur's bottom lip and kiss him properly.]
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[Namely the fact that as good as this feels, it's not a great angle for his own orgasm, especially not being touched at all. He waits a moment or two, contemplating sitting up, but instead lets go of one of Arthur's wrists so he can reach down and start jerking himself off. It almost certainly won't take long, and his voice picks up in urgency and desperation as he feels himself getting there.]
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[When he actually comes, it's quick and it's loud and it's, well. It's more of a mess than it usually is, and Eames' whole body relaxes and slouches afterward while he stays where he is, breathless.]
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I love you.
[He murmurs it while nosing at Arthur's face, voice a little hoarse and breathless.]
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I love you too.
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[He sighs, shifting his hips a little to pull off Arthur so he can cuddle up properly, tucking his head at the crook of Arthur's neck, nosing at his pulse point.]
You're not the first person I've been in love with, but with you it's like I'm addicted.
[He breathes a tired laugh, less amused and more uncomfortable. It's not the first time he's used that word with Arthur, it's certainly the word he favoured when things between them were mostly just the sex, but it has more weight to it now.]
Whenever I'm away from you longer than a couple of days, it's horrible. It's like there's a part of me missing-- something I need but I can't have.
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It's the same for me.
[His voice is a little thick, and it's not just from exhaustion.]
My life is so much... brighter with you in it. I don't even remember if I ever enjoyed anything as much as I do now. It's...
[He lets out a hesitant laugh.]
It's kind of terrifying.
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[He sighs softly, for as negative as the words might sound, Eames' tone is relatively positive. Happy, even. It's a sentiment he assumes Arthur shares, not liking the idea that there's somebody who can make such a difference to what you think and feel. It's terrifying and frustrating all at once, that idea of not being in complete control. Of handing some of that control over to someone else. It's not Eames' favourite feeling, that's for sure.]
But I'm happy with you. Moreso than I've been in a long time.
[Eames lifts his head with a bit of a wry smile, a hand coming up to brush his knuckles along Arthur's jaw.]
Even when you don't shave and that godawful beard grows in and I think, "why has he done this to me?"
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Some people like my beard.
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