maybe we show some mercy

[falsify]

[Usually, facing your fears means discovering they're not as bad as they seemed in your head. That your mind catastrophises and exaggerates and the reality is nowhere near what it seemed. Eames certainly wishes that were the case here, but it turns out the reality is far worse than anything that crossed his mind. He'd long since come to terms with the idea that getting caught meant death, but the captain of this discreet little crew made a point of talking about "re-education" with such conviction that it seems like a very real possibility. A real possibility that terrifies Eames in ways he didn't even know he could feel.]

[It's hard not to be mad at himself, and in fact he is. He's fucking furious. Years of being meticulous about hiding from the Empire rendered obsolete because some asshole wanted to make some quick money and Eames hadn't spotted the signs even though that's exactly the kind of thing he's supposed to be good at. And now here he is, bound in a cell on a ship, no idea how long he's been here or where they are — no idea about much of anything outside this room, actually — pumped full of power inhibitors to make doubly sure he can't escape.]

[Fucking hell but it hurts. Hands cuffed behind his back, made to stay on his knees for... A long time. Simultaneously can't feel his legs and yet the muscles burn and ache. All of him a mess of cuts and bruises, a mix of injuries from fighting back and some from cruelty passed off as discipline. He thinks his nose might be broken and one of his eyes is swollen into a semi-permanant squint. The longer he kneels here, the more Eames thinks the inhibitor injections were less about preventing escape and more about making sure he couldn't heal away the beatings; making sure he'd suffer through every moment of the trip "home."]

Comments

[specifiercity]

[Arthur lets out a soft, almost desperate sound once Eames' arms are tighter around him. If he could fall asleep here that would be ideal, but he's not going to and that feels a little selish anyway.]

[falsify]

[Eames wouldn't mind so much, Arthur's weight on him is its own kind of comfort, but he's content to stay like this. Humming softly and tilting his head to press a kiss to Arthur's hair.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur hums and brushes his thumb back and forth on Eames' chest. This he can do for the next forty minutes or so until it's time to land, potentially falling asleep even though he's going to try not to.]

[falsify]

[Eames stays as he is, holding Arthur and nosing fondly at his hair. When they're close enough to land, he murmurs Arthur's name to check if he's still awake or not.]

[specifiercity]

[He’s not, but he’s only dozing off lightly anyway and he wakes up quickly when Eames says his name.]

Mm, already?

[falsify]

Yeah.

[He presses a quick kiss to Arthur's hair.]

Time to fuel up.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur hums and rubs his eyes.]

Sorry - didn’t mean to fall asleep.

[He sits up to look at the displays, immediately mourning the lack of contact.]

[falsify]

[When he sits up, Eames leans forward to kiss his cheek.]

I didn't mind.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur reaches forward to press a couple buttons and then he turns to bring both of his hands up to Eames' jaw.]

I miss this.

[falsify]

[Eames pulls a lightly confused face.]

My face?

[specifiercity]

[Arthur frowns lightly and thinks on his response for a moment but ultimately decides not to beat around the bush.]

We haven’t been sleeping together much - I miss you holding me like this.

[falsify]

[Oh, right. Eames swallows and looks away, frowning. He hadn't even considered the knock-on effect his not sleeping would have on Arthur.]

Arthur, I'm still... I can still do this.

[It feels like the stupidest thing he's ever said, which probably contributes to why he's still not looking at Arthur.]

[specifiercity]

I know you can, but...

[Arthur feels a little foolish, sitting here in Eames' lap talking about how they don't cuddle enough anymore. Still he can't bear to get up just yet.]

It's just not happening much anymore.

[falsify]

[He sighs heavily and shakes his head.]

You only have to ask..

[specifiercity]

I never had to before.

[There’s a touch of imaptience in his voice as he slides off Eames’ lap, looking at the instruments and displays as if he’s going to find something to busy himself with, but he shakes his head instead.]

I’m sorry, I know I’m being selfish. I’m— I almost lost you, okay? I’m trying to give you space but I need you.

[falsify]

I know, I'm sorry.

[Now Arthur's not looking at him, Eames lifts his head to watch his back as Arthur does whatever, expression sad and guilty.]

I don't know how long... [No, not that. He shakes his head and tries again.] I'll always come if you ask me to.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur shakes his head, a bitter look on his face.]

I don’t want to have to ask.

[He looks at the doorway leading out of the cockpit, wondering if it would be better to leave so he can fight back the limp in his throat alone.]

[falsify]

[Well that guilt immediately swaps out for something much more annoyed and impatient.]

And you think I do? Is that it?

[specifiercity]

No, of course not.

[Arthur spits his words back at Eames with a contemptuous glare before he looks away again. He wishes he could understand why loving this man overwhelms him like this sometimes, pushes him beyond being able to control his emotions.]

I do think you’re ignoring all of this and hoping it goes away.

[falsify]

Well I'm sorry I'm not recovering fast enough for you.

[Eames' eyes narrow in anger for a moment before he pushes himself up and out of the chair. About ready to storm out of the cockpit and be anywhere other than around Arthur right now.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur throws his hands up and raises his voice in spite of himself.]

It feels like you’re not trying to recover at all!

[falsify]

Are you kidding?

[Eames, on the other hand, lowers his voice in response. Furious at Arthur right now.]

Every waking moment is me trying to figure out how to get on with my life knowing-- [He cuts himself off and shakes his head, swallowing hard before he continues.] I am trying, okay? I'm sorry it's inconvenient for you.

[This time he does actually turn and move to walk out of the cockpit.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur doesn't go after him or try to call him back, he just watches Eames leave with his jaw set hard. He feels guilty because he knows Eames is suffering right now. He knows he can't even begin to understand how terrible Eames must feel. But part of him feels validated too - Eames walking out of here just feels like another example of him not facing his problems the way Arthur thinks he should, thinks he needs to if he's going to heal. Arthur knows it's selfish but he's also worried about Eames. He wants to see him move forward for both of their sakes.]

[None of that's going to be said, though. Arthur's just going to sit down and start their descent onto the planet's surface, eager to see another lifeform that won't make him feel so crazy.]

[falsify]

[Eames doesn't really know what to do with himself. He's angry and upset and hurt and he ends up stewing on it the entirety of the descent, pacing the kitchen with heavy footsteps like an animal wanting to be let out of its cage.]

[It's not an inaccurate comparison, because the second he feels the ship slow and the landing gear start up, Eames is moving to the exit to get off this ship ASAP.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur's doing his best to keep his mind focused on the task at hand, reviewing the exact amount he ordered and who to talk to and the price they agreed on to make sure he doesn't get swindled. He's not aware that Eames is waiting at the door when they touch down and he unlocks the hatches.]