and you know me

[falsify]

[Eames doesn't know how to feel about things. He never does after this. It's... Easier than it used to be. He doesn't know why. Maybe it's just a matter of trust, but there's other issues, ones that get louder every time. Because he can't ignore that this is part of him anymore, and neither can Arthur.]

[He doesn't want to focus too much on what Arthur must think, but he can't shake it. He lays on the bed, ignoring various aches and pains, trying not to look at Arthur.]

Comments

[specifiercity]

[Arthur breathes out hard through his nose and presses his mouth into a line. This should be so fucking easy.]

The shame can't be a necessary part of this, Eames, I saw that last night.

[falsify]

[Eames throws a hand up in frustration, it feels like they're about to start going in circles over this and he wants to be anywhere else on this fucking ship.]

Yeah, and if you were a stranger I never had to look at again then maybe it wouldn't be.

[specifiercity]

That's you putting something on me that I don't feel. I care way more about making you feel good than judging you for something you think is fucked up. We're all fucked up, Eames, and if this is what you need to do to feel normal then I want to help you.

[He realizes that he's almost yelling but he can't stop.]

What's really fucked up is that you won't even look at me, you make me feel like I've hurt you or made things worse.

[falsify]

I tried to tell you, it always takes a minute or two for--

[He catches himself, not just the frustration but there's some emotion there he's not happy about. He has to take a breath, and when he goes on his voice is a lot quieter, softer. Eyes downcast.]

It takes a bit for me to be sure you're not going to leave.

[specifiercity]

[That change in demeanour certainly makes Arthur slow down, taking a deep breath before he goes on, very measured. He knows it must be complicated, whatever goes on in Eames' head whenever they've done that, whenever he goes quiet afterwards, but more and more Arthur just felt intentionally, consciously shut out of the process.]

What can I do to make you more sure of that? And don't-- [he cuts himself off to breath, to take his tone down from demanding to pleading] Don't say nothing. Please, think about it. I want you to know I'm not going to abandon you; I love you too much.

[falsify]

I just need you there. After...

[He swallows, still not looking at Arthur, and shakes his head. He can't say it so boldly.]

I mean, it's basic conditioning, right?

[specifiercity]

[He sighs heavily.]

I don't think it needs to be. I don't need you to be cheerful or energetic or anything, I just need to know that you're okay. I need you to look at me so I know, so it doesn't feel like you're just trying to get me to stop asking.

[falsify]

Yeah, okay.

[He sighs and pushes a hand through his hair.]

I'll try.

[specifiercity]

Thank you.

[He sighs again and just looks at Eames, a mixture of sadness and awkward bashfulness on his face. After a moment he holds out his hand, an invitation to come over for some affection.]

[falsify]

[Eames takes his hand and moves back over, planting himself in Arthur's lap with a soft sigh.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur wraps his arms around Eames easily, pulling him with as he leans back in the chair again. He finds the closest part of Eames' face and kisses it with a hum.]

[falsify]

[Eames drapes his arms over Arthur's shoulders and hums happily at the attention, resting his head against Arthur's to make his face more accessible for more of that.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur's just gonna make it his mission to get as many soft kisses on Eames' face and neck as he can. It might even get to a bit of a ridiculous point but that's okay. Eames' face is so good it deserves this.]

[falsify]

[That's fine by Eames. He lets out a soft laugh when he realises what Arthur's doing, but that just gets him to lift his hand to Arthur's neck to rest there, thumb brushing back and forth.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur laughs too and finally slows to a stop by pressing a kiss to Eames' lips. Nothing hungry or demanding, just loving.]

I'm sorry for starting a fight.

[falsify]

[Eames brings his hand up to cup Arthur's face and he shakes his head.]

Sometimes it's what we need.

[specifiercity]

[Deep sigh.]

I wish it wasn't.

[falsify]

[Fair, but.]

I'll take this over sitting on it silently for a decade until we snap and kill eachother.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur laughs and shakes his head, then tightens his hold on Eames. He has to sit back and admire him for a moment.]

You're so gorgeous.

[falsify]

[Eames beams at the compliment and cups Arthur's face in both hands, looking back at him with complete adoration.]

You're right about that.

[specifiercity]

And handsome. Beautiful.

[He noses for a kiss.]

It's hard to narrow it down.

[falsify]

[Eames grins and kisses Arthur quickly.]

Don't pressure yourself to keep the list short.

[specifiercity]

[He rubs Eames' back.]

You're just... fucking hot.

[falsify]

[That one gets a sudden burst of laughter out of Eames at the unexpectedness of it and he shakes his head, grinning at Arthur.]

Okay, okay. I'll let you stop.

[specifiercity]

I think I'm on a roll now. I just want to tell you how magnificent you are.