cool ways to handle feelings

[prethief]

[It's not necessarily that he's unaware of his feelings — Eames has spent enough time actively avoiding them that he has some awareness of the things he thinks and feels and would rather not deal with — it's just that if he was about to say something he had zero intention of ever saying out loud? There's ways he'd vastly prefer to have it fall out of his mouth than during sex without his express permission.]

[Of course, he didn't exactly deal with it well either. But when it just slips out between comments about how gorgeous and attractive Arthur is, and then they both kinda freeze up? It's a little hard to ignore that intense and sudden desire to not be there anymore. Especially when he'd pegged that uncertainty on Arthur's face and ended up babbling some apology and excuse about how he forgot something and hastily pulled his pants back on and left.]

[And then he just ends up pacing the hall outside Arthur's apartment, already embarrassed and frustrated with himself, but being shirtless and shoeless with an erection that stubbornly refuses to leave doesn't help. Eames pushes his hands through his hair with a frustrated groan, thinking over all the ways he's finally ruined this friendship with his dumb, stupid emotions and it was fine until he said anything and now it's going to be awkward at best but let's be honest it's ruined it's over he should just pack his stuff and go stay with his mother.]

Comments

[prethief]

[Oh. Oh. Eames makes a bit of a face, because exclusivity is a whole other thing and it's part of the reason Eames pretty much stopped dating in high school, but this is different right? It's not Claire from English wanting an exclusive boyfriend and he's not a kid trying to figure himself out anymore.]

[He puffs out a heavy breath, but when he speaks there's a bit of a teasing lilt to his voice. Not to try and make it less serious, but more to try and make the conversation a little less heavy for Arthur.]

So you want to keep me to yourself?

[interpunct]

[Arthur has to pull away now, because this is territory that he feels like he really has to consider as he speaks, so he slowly sits up and looks down at his lap. It's hard to suss out what he actually wants from what's just considered normal and now he feels like he has to figure that out all at once. He's never really been jealous but he's also never really thought it was realistic to think of Eames as his, as this extra level of special for him.]

Only if that's something you want too. If you're not ready for that, I get it.

[He tries to look at Eames but feels like he can't control his own face well enough to convey that he's being genuine. He doesn't want to tie Eames down in any sense. That would be so opposite of what he thinks Eames needs or wants.]

[prethief]

I don't really know what I want.

[Eames looks down between them, that's a sentence that sounds totally alien in his voice, and he curls his fingers in the fabric of his pants a little anxiously.]

It's not like I ever expected us to be having this conversation, you know? I always figured you'd move on once you finished your postgrad and had more time; meet someone... Maybe not better but different at least. [There's a bit of a wry smirk, even as he's looking down at his hands.] Someone your family might actually like for starters.

[interpunct]

[Arthur feels his stomach lurch.]

Let's not talk about my family.

[That's a whole other thing that they definitely don't need to address right now. It's true they might not really understand this if they're ever even told and Arthur doesn't really need to start conceptualizing all the shit he's going to have to explain if it comes up.]

I guess we should both think on it. All of it. We should just be honest with each other and we'll figure this out.

[prethief]

... Yeah.

[He nods and casts a hesitant glance up at Arthur.]

This is good though, right?

[interpunct]

[Arthur turns to look at Eames, and despite all of the hard questions he's run through in his head and asked aloud, he remembers the genesis of this whole thing and can't help but smile. It's a bashful kind of smile, and so much joy bubbles through him at once that he actually let's out a soft laugh, looking back down as he nods.]

Yeah. It's good.

[prethief]

[Eames smiles, an easy, genuine smile, and reaches to cup Arthur's face in his hands so he can pull him forward and kiss his forehead.]

[interpunct]

[Arthur laughs again and then pulls away to kiss Eames properly, feeling a little giddy as he does. It feels so good to get these feelings out and to have them returned - he can't imagine anything dampening his mood right now.]

[prethief]

[Eames grins and drops his hands to Arthur's chest, feeling elated by all this. It's a little weird, and he expects he's not heard the last of his anxieties about this, but that can wait until later.]

[interpunct]

[Arthur kisses him for a little longer and then pulls back just a touch, so he can talk as he noses at Eames' face.]

We should go back to bed.

[prethief]

[He nods, and puts a hand on Arthur's hip to nudge him up off the couch. He doesn't know if Arthur means to give earlier a second go or just to lay down, but both sound good to Eames right now.]

[interpunct]

[Arthur feels energized but either would be good for him as well, thought he doesn't give much indication at all as he leads the way to the bedroom and pulls off his shirt to get into bed. He does get underneath the covers and is ready to latch onto Eames as soon as he's laying down as well.]

[prethief]

[That is more than okay with Eames, and he crawls under the covers, ready for Arthur as soon as he gets comfortable. He lets out a pleased sigh and noses into Arthur's hair, arms around him like always.]

[interpunct]

[It feels the same and different all at once, and Arthur grins as he lays his head down on Eames' shoulder. He's so warm and inviting, and it feels like a small miracle that Arthur gets to be the one to be here with him like this. Someday maybe he'll be able to vocalize that.]

[prethief]

[More than anything, he feels content right now, and Eames rests his hand on Arthur's back, trailing his fingers up and down it in an idle motion. He feels a kind of pressure in his chest, some part of him that's desperate not to fuck this up, but he petulantly ignores that in favour of nosing at Arthur's hair and kissing the top of his head instead.]

[interpunct]

[Arthur grins and gets even closer than he was, feeling that giddiness again. After a moment he lets out a sound that could have been a laugh.]

I can't believe you said it while you were literally inside me.

[prethief]

[Eames groans into Arthur's hair, more than a little embarrassed, and he huffs a weak laugh and uses his knee to smack Arthur's side.]

Shut up.

[interpunct]

[Arthur laughs a laugh of pure joy as he wriggles away from Eames' leg but stays in Eames' arms.]

No, no, it's romantic.

[prethief]

It's embarrassing!

[interpunct]

[He keeps laughing, so affectionate.]

Yeah, but that's, y'know...

[There's a hesitation in his voice but he manages it.]

Part of why I love you so much.

[prethief]

[It's a good thing Arthur can't see his face, because Eames seems sceptical of this. And embarrassed, but that's going to be his default state for at least the rest of the day. If not the week.]

What? Because I can't control my mouth?

[interpunct]

It's very charming.

[Arthur says this like it might be a joke but he also actually feels that way.]

[prethief]

[Unfortunately Eames does kind of interpret it as a joke, and he scoffs.]

You'd be the only one who thinks so.

[interpunct]

[Arthur pulls his head away to raise his eyebrows at Eames.]

So?

[His is obviously the only opinion that matters.]

[prethief]

Oh--

[Not that he's embarrassed, no sir.]

I just-- It's just a weird thing to find charming.

[Saved it.]