maybe we show some mercy

[falsify]

[Usually, facing your fears means discovering they're not as bad as they seemed in your head. That your mind catastrophises and exaggerates and the reality is nowhere near what it seemed. Eames certainly wishes that were the case here, but it turns out the reality is far worse than anything that crossed his mind. He'd long since come to terms with the idea that getting caught meant death, but the captain of this discreet little crew made a point of talking about "re-education" with such conviction that it seems like a very real possibility. A real possibility that terrifies Eames in ways he didn't even know he could feel.]

[It's hard not to be mad at himself, and in fact he is. He's fucking furious. Years of being meticulous about hiding from the Empire rendered obsolete because some asshole wanted to make some quick money and Eames hadn't spotted the signs even though that's exactly the kind of thing he's supposed to be good at. And now here he is, bound in a cell on a ship, no idea how long he's been here or where they are — no idea about much of anything outside this room, actually — pumped full of power inhibitors to make doubly sure he can't escape.]

[Fucking hell but it hurts. Hands cuffed behind his back, made to stay on his knees for... A long time. Simultaneously can't feel his legs and yet the muscles burn and ache. All of him a mess of cuts and bruises, a mix of injuries from fighting back and some from cruelty passed off as discipline. He thinks his nose might be broken and one of his eyes is swollen into a semi-permanant squint. The longer he kneels here, the more Eames thinks the inhibitor injections were less about preventing escape and more about making sure he couldn't heal away the beatings; making sure he'd suffer through every moment of the trip "home."]

Comments

[falsify]

[He bites his lip on the pain when Arthur's thumbs brush over the swelling around his eye, sighing through his nose. It's not as reassuring as Arthur wants it to be, because the problem is that this is what he is.]

It is me though, isn't it?

[Eames shakes his head. He almost looks like he could cry, but he doesn't, just looks back at Arthur in a frown.]

Green skin and pointy fucking ears, that's me.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur shakes his head.]

I don't see it that way. You are what you choose to be, and you've chosen to be something different all this time. That doesn't change just because they shot you up with something that takes away your powers.

[falsify]

[He wishes he could articulate what exactly is going on in his head, because it's not being a skrull, not exactly. It's what that means. He only started changing how he looked to get away from the empire, both literally and to avoid that baggage, and the longer it went on the more free he felt. But that's a lot to explain when he's anxious and angry and only just discovering that he feels this way. It's not as if there's a simple way to say "it turns out my sense of self is entirely contingent on divorcing myself from everything I knew until a relatively short time ago because I hate everything I was up until then," when you're still figuring that out.]

Yeah.

[His shoulders sag weakly, and he nods, backing up to get out of the shower. He doesn't know what he needs right now, but he also doesn't think he's going to find it here.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur reluctantly lets him go with a sigh.]

I’ll be out soon. Just need to freshen up.

[falsify]

[Eames makes a noise to indicate he understands as he leaves and picks up a towel as he goes. Carefully he picks up his clothes on his way out and they get shoved haphazardly into the garbage.]

[By the time Arthur comes out, Eames is back in bed in some underwear it took him longer to put on than he'd readily admit, staring at the ceiling in some effort to not think about anything.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur rushes through his shower, just enough to make sure he smells clean when he goes to find Eames in bed. He’s put on some underwear and a shirt and he wanders right up to the bed and takes Eames’ hand.]

Can I lay down with you?

[falsify]

Yeah. Of course.

[He squeezes Arthur's hand.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur gives him a soft smile and slips into bed, carefully slotting himself right at Eames’ side and snaking an arm under him to pull him closer.]

C’mere.

[He’s got a shoulder perfect for napping on.]

[falsify]

[He does, and Eames immediately moves to lay on it. He makes a soft noise of pain when he turns on his side, but it's worth it to rest his head on Arthur's shoulder. He rests his hand on Arthur's chest, looking at it and sighing.]

I'm sorry.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur’s as gentle as he can be getting them comfortably laying together, humming happily as he lays his cheek on Eames’ head.]

For what?

[falsify]

All this drama.

[He rubs his thumb back and forth affectionately.]

I kind of thought they'd never catch me.

[specifiercity]

Never’s a big word. We’ll just have to be more careful.

[falsify]

[He sighs and mumbles a quiet "yeah", but he doesn't want to talk about 6right now. He just wants Arthur to hold him while he sleeps.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur doesn’t quite get that message, gently rubbing Eames’ back.]

I killed the guy that sold you out, so that loose end is taken care of.

[falsify]

Oh.

[He sounds a little disappointed, but in the "I was saving that" sort of way rather than actual upset.]

I was quite looking forward to that.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur hums in sympathy.]

Sorry. There are a few more along the chain that I never got to.

[falsify]

[Eames sighs and nuzzles in a little to get comfortable for sleep.]

Later.

[specifiercity]

Mm, later.

[Arthur hums and noses at the top of Eames’ head briefly again before he settles in for sleep as well.]

[falsify]

[Eames falls asleep quickly, but it's not like before. He'd been so exhausted that his body shut down in some effort to recover some of that energy. This time is more normal and it lets his subconscious run wild.]

[It's a fitful sleep, dreams-- nightmares of all sorts. Of being turned into the perfect soldier, of Arthur dead, of beatings and more creative tortures. Eames doesn't toss or turn much, but he makes a lot of noises of distress in his sleep, groans and almost growls, face pulled into an expression of pain.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur isn't sleeping that deeply so the noise wakes him up eventually. It's not exactly shocking but it is cause for concern, so when it doesn't stop after a couple minutes Arthur gently shakes Eames' shoulders, trying not to hurt him but definitely trying to wake him up as he softly says his name.]

[falsify]

[It takes a bit to wake him, and when he does it's with a gasp, eyes wide as he struggles to register what's happening. Eames stares at Arthur, confused and worried all at once.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur rubs Eames’ back, frowning with concern.]

You were having a nightmare.

[falsify]

Shit.

[He's out of breath, he realises, and he presses his forehead against Arthur's shoulder for a long few moments with another uttered curse.]

[specifiercity]

You’re fine, it’s okay.

[He rubs Eames’ back and shoulders.]

[falsify]

[Eames groans and cuddles in a little, to use Arthur's presence to ground and comfort himself, beyond grateful for the man beside him right now. He can't conceive of a life without him, the way his just being there is keeping Eames just about sane right now is making that much clearer to him than it's ever been.]

Thank you.

[For more tjan just this, though he's not sure Arthur will realise.]