i think i'm losing my grip

[falsify]

[Eames is not unaware of the pattern that's started emerging over these last months. The way the tension and the anger in him starts to build like a pressure cooker left unattended until he's ready to fight with anyone at the drop of a hat. It's almost easy to forget he's not like this after a couple of weeks pass, he's never been an angry person. Never been particularly combative outside specific situations. As the time ticks over, it's about all he can do not to start a fistfight with anyone who looks at him.]

[But then they do a job, and Eames gets an outlet for that violence coiled up inside him, and when they get back he's calm again. Serene. Back to himself. It's not something Eames is oblivious to, he just feels like at this point it's a state of being he has to accept. Every conversation he and Arthur have had gets filed away in his mind as something else to be ashamed of, something else that's off-limits, so this is just what it is now until Arthur gets sick of putting up with him and they part ways.]

[At least they're at the good part of things right now, a few days out from a successful job. Eames, at least, is pretty relaxed. Idly going over a few law enforcement transcripts while he eats to check if there's anything out here they should be aware of.]

Comments

[specifiercity]

[He keeps brushing his fingers through Eames' hair. That seems to be helping.]

Well, you seemed a little impatient with it.

[falsify]

Yeah. I guess.

[He shrugs and sighs. He's really not sure what to say to this.]

[specifiercity]

[Well they're not going to get anywhere on that front, in any case.]

We'll figure it out.

[He keeps brushing Eames' hair.]

But to be clear, you want me to be rougher.

[falsify]

Yeah.

[He unravels himself a little from the duvet so he can tuck himself at Arthur's side and put his head on his shoulder with a sigh.]

More, ah... Forceful.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur accommodates him with a soft hum.]

Like, you want me to push you around?

[falsify]

[He drapes some of the covers over Arthur as he cuddles in and makes a soft noise to the affirmative.]

Like... When you pushed my head down at the end there.

[God it feels awkward to talk about. Eames sucks in a breath and shakes his head.]

If it helps, remember the alternative for me is a real nasty fight. That's the kind of energy I need.

[specifiercity]

Okay.

[Arthur doesn't sound too sure of himself.]

Might take a bit of practice before I'm really... there.

[falsify]

I know.

[He's still not even sure this is something Arthur can do. Rough, maybe a little harsh, that's one thing, but Eames is asking a lot and he knows it. It's why he tried so hard to keep this away from him.]

[Eames sighs and looks down at his hands.]

Thank you.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur looks at Eames, pensive, and then he bows his head to press a kiss to his head.]

I love you. I want you to feel okay.

[falsify]

I know, I just...

[Hm. No. He shakes his head with another sigh and puts his head back on Arthur's shoulder.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur nuzzles into Eames' hair and gives him a soothing hum.]

I'm saying it's a given I'm going to try my best for you.

[falsify]

I know.

[He hums softly at the affection and closes his eyes.]

Trying not to say how much I wish you didn't have to.

[specifiercity]

I know.

[He gives Eames a soft squeeze.]

[falsify]

[Eames puts a hand on Arthur's chest and curls up a little, quiet for a long few moments before he says something that's been on his mind since their last conversation.]

I was completely ready to leave. Just... Waiting for you to hit your breaking point.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur lets out a dry, soft laugh.]

You’ll have to push me a lot harder before I start seriously considering that.

[falsify]

Mm, feels like I'm really working on it though.

[It's partially a joke.]

[specifiercity]

You are.

[That’s also partially a joke.]

But it’s not all this shit you’re feeling that’s doing that. It’s the fact that you pushed me away instead of talking.

[falsify]

[He's quiet a moment longer and lifts his head to press a big, gross kiss to Arthur's cheek.]

I'm sorry.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur can't help but smile at the affection.]

I know.

[He looks at Eames thoughtfully for a second, then asks:]

Can we just drink our coffee now?

[falsify]

I finished mine.

[Sounds like a you problem bro.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur sighs and sits back.]

Well let me drink mine, then.

[You can still cuddle up just be chill about it.]

[falsify]

[Eames snorts and pulls away after a moment and another kiss. And dumps his duvet in Arthur's lap.]

I need a shower anyway.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur smiles and gives Eames a quick once-over because he's very beautiful even all gross and sticky like this.]

Enjoy.

[falsify]

[He winks and gets up to leave the room, off to have a very thorough clean.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur watches him go, settling in to just rest and wait for Eames to come out of the shower. He'll get clean later.]

[A few weeks goes by and the whole thing kind of slips from Arthur's mind. It's not something he actively thinks about, preferring if anything to fixate on the times when they're most functional.]