i think i'm losing my grip

[falsify]

[Eames is not unaware of the pattern that's started emerging over these last months. The way the tension and the anger in him starts to build like a pressure cooker left unattended until he's ready to fight with anyone at the drop of a hat. It's almost easy to forget he's not like this after a couple of weeks pass, he's never been an angry person. Never been particularly combative outside specific situations. As the time ticks over, it's about all he can do not to start a fistfight with anyone who looks at him.]

[But then they do a job, and Eames gets an outlet for that violence coiled up inside him, and when they get back he's calm again. Serene. Back to himself. It's not something Eames is oblivious to, he just feels like at this point it's a state of being he has to accept. Every conversation he and Arthur have had gets filed away in his mind as something else to be ashamed of, something else that's off-limits, so this is just what it is now until Arthur gets sick of putting up with him and they part ways.]

[At least they're at the good part of things right now, a few days out from a successful job. Eames, at least, is pretty relaxed. Idly going over a few law enforcement transcripts while he eats to check if there's anything out here they should be aware of.]

Comments

[falsify]

[He nods and leans over for a quick kiss before Arthur gets up.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur heads out to their kitchen to make some coffee. It's a quick process for just two cups, but he takes the time to just check in with himself. When he comes back, he feels calm, but he knows whatever's coming is going to do its best to tense him up again.]

[That's probably why he doesn't dive into it right away when he gets there. He just hands Eames his coffee and goes to get comfy in bed again.]

[falsify]

[Eames smiles his thanks and takes the coffee, waiting for Arthur to get settled before immediately cosying up to him.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur wraps his arm around Eames and takes a deep breath just to settle in. After a moment of silence he clears his throat awkwardly and glances at Eames.]

So it did work alright?

[falsify]

[Eames purses his lips in thought for a moment, head tilted while he tries to figure out what to say. He knows Arthur was apprehensive and probably still is a little anxious about it all, but... Hm.]

It... It helped.

[He'll work up to explaining properly, he just needs to ease in.]

[specifiercity]

That's good.

[He doesn't sound entirely convinced but he doesn't think Eames is lying either. Part of him hopes Eames might elaborate, so he doesn't go on just yet.]

[falsify]

[Eames is quiet, a little pensive, though he masks it with a sip of his coffee while he tries to order his words.]

... It didn't completely satisfy that need, but I should be able to get by for a while without trying to start a fight.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur sighs and nods.]

I wanna be able to do that for you. I guess I just need a better idea of what you need and what the limits are.

[falsify]

I'm not sure there really are limits for me when it's... This.

[Eames sighs too, pulling the duvet a little tighter around himself and frowning a little in thought.]

I'm not asking you to hurt me, but it's... It's about the violence and the aggression. Some part of me needs it to feel like a fight.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur hums as he digests this information. It's not that he didn't know it, it's just... difficult to swallow.]

Do we need some kind of safe word? It's hard not to feel like I'm hurting you.

[falsify]

[Something about the idea of a safe word puts him immediately on edge and Eames has to take another moment to reason with himself that he's being irrational. It's a sensible thing to have.]

I guess it's not a bad idea.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur senses the hesitation, even if it's slight.]

It's more for me, honestly... I just need to know.

[falsify]

I know.

[He puts a hand on Arthur's thigh and gives a light squeeze.]

Even if it wasn't, it's still a good idea.

[specifiercity]

[He nods solemnly.]

Any ideas?

[falsify]

[Hm. He puffs out a breath.]

Some Earth nonsense? Something you'd recognise quick that I'd have no cause to say otherwise.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur thinks on that a moment and then lets out a soft, amused huff.]

What about Florida?

[falsify]

Florida. [Hm.] That works.

[He feels like there's a joke here he's not getting though.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur smirks, a little amused at hearing Eames just say it.]

It's the worst place I can think of.

[falsify]

Wow. [He snorts.] Must be pretty bad.

[specifiercity]

Definitely not my kind of place.

[They've stopped in a few spaceports that reminded him of it. Eames has already heard the complaining. But anyway.]

You think you can remember that?

[falsify]

[There's a part of him that instantly wants to remind Arthur that his memory is impeccable but... Maybe it's not the time.]

Yeah. I can do that.

[specifiercity]

Okay.

[He figured Eames could, it's just that he's also aware that these Earth words are just random sounds to everyone else and everyone forgets things sometimes. Even if Florida is the worst.]

[Anyway onto more important things.]

So, um, obviously you don't want me checking in or anything...

[falsify]

No.

[He says it instantly and then makes a thoughtful noise, head tilted a moment as he actually considers it.]

... Actually I don't know. I've never... [Hm.] I've tended to avoid people who might actually care, so really who can say?

[God does that feel like something to be ashamed of, hearing it out loud. Eames swallows and looks down at the remnants of coffee in the bottom of his mug with a frown.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur looks at Eames and brings his hand up to brush back his hair, thinking carefully about what to say next.]

Well, if it's going to ruin it for you, I can save all the caring for afterwards. I wanna get this right.

[falsify]

[He tilts his head into Arthur's hand with a soft sigh.]

I don't know if it would, is the thing.