i think i'm losing my grip

[falsify]

[Eames is not unaware of the pattern that's started emerging over these last months. The way the tension and the anger in him starts to build like a pressure cooker left unattended until he's ready to fight with anyone at the drop of a hat. It's almost easy to forget he's not like this after a couple of weeks pass, he's never been an angry person. Never been particularly combative outside specific situations. As the time ticks over, it's about all he can do not to start a fistfight with anyone who looks at him.]

[But then they do a job, and Eames gets an outlet for that violence coiled up inside him, and when they get back he's calm again. Serene. Back to himself. It's not something Eames is oblivious to, he just feels like at this point it's a state of being he has to accept. Every conversation he and Arthur have had gets filed away in his mind as something else to be ashamed of, something else that's off-limits, so this is just what it is now until Arthur gets sick of putting up with him and they part ways.]

[At least they're at the good part of things right now, a few days out from a successful job. Eames, at least, is pretty relaxed. Idly going over a few law enforcement transcripts while he eats to check if there's anything out here they should be aware of.]

Comments

[falsify]

[He laughs softly and nods.]

Yeah, you did.

[specifiercity]

[He lets the quiet settle between them for a little while befor he decides to speak, a little hesitant.]

Should we talk about it?

[falsify]

Maybe.

[Eames frowns, but they should. He doesn't want to though.]

But not yet.

[specifiercity]

Okay.

[He sighs.]

I don't wanna end up putting it off forever, though.

[falsify]

No, I know. [He also sighs.] This is nice and I don't want to ruin it though.

[specifiercity]

It is nice.

[He looks down at Eames affectionately.]

I love you.

[falsify]

[A broad smile blooms on Eames' face at that and he turns so he can look up at Arthur.]

I love you too.

[specifiercity]

[Wow what a handsome smile that is. Arthur loves it so much.]

[falsify]

[He smiles up at Arthur a few moments longer and then turns back to cuddling in and resting as much as he can. Just absorbing as much of that cosy feeling as he can.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur's gonna keep drinking his coffee, taking in the warmth of this man on him.]

[falsify]

[Well.]

[He didn't want to but Eames is absolutely gonna snooze a bit here. Just until Arthur wants to talk.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur eventually finishes his coffee, which prompts him to want to get more. He should probably also like, do something, set a flight path or whatever, but that can wait until his mug is refilled.]

[First he has to nudge Eames awake, however.]

[falsify]

[Eames presses his face against Arthur in some kind of protest and attempt to go back to sleep, but he sits up after a moment, actually awake this time. Still all wrapped up in the covers.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur smiles at Eames because he's very cute like this.]

Do you want me to bring you some coffee here or do you want to come get it?

[falsify]

[He laughs and shakes his head just a little.]

I'm not going anywhere near the kitchen until I've showered.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur lets out an amused huff and nods.]

Well, if I bring you some can we talk?

[falsify]

[He nods and leans over for a quick kiss before Arthur gets up.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur heads out to their kitchen to make some coffee. It's a quick process for just two cups, but he takes the time to just check in with himself. When he comes back, he feels calm, but he knows whatever's coming is going to do its best to tense him up again.]

[That's probably why he doesn't dive into it right away when he gets there. He just hands Eames his coffee and goes to get comfy in bed again.]

[falsify]

[Eames smiles his thanks and takes the coffee, waiting for Arthur to get settled before immediately cosying up to him.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur wraps his arm around Eames and takes a deep breath just to settle in. After a moment of silence he clears his throat awkwardly and glances at Eames.]

So it did work alright?

[falsify]

[Eames purses his lips in thought for a moment, head tilted while he tries to figure out what to say. He knows Arthur was apprehensive and probably still is a little anxious about it all, but... Hm.]

It... It helped.

[He'll work up to explaining properly, he just needs to ease in.]

[specifiercity]

That's good.

[He doesn't sound entirely convinced but he doesn't think Eames is lying either. Part of him hopes Eames might elaborate, so he doesn't go on just yet.]

[falsify]

[Eames is quiet, a little pensive, though he masks it with a sip of his coffee while he tries to order his words.]

... It didn't completely satisfy that need, but I should be able to get by for a while without trying to start a fight.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur sighs and nods.]

I wanna be able to do that for you. I guess I just need a better idea of what you need and what the limits are.

[falsify]

I'm not sure there really are limits for me when it's... This.

[Eames sighs too, pulling the duvet a little tighter around himself and frowning a little in thought.]

I'm not asking you to hurt me, but it's... It's about the violence and the aggression. Some part of me needs it to feel like a fight.