i think i'm losing my grip

[falsify]

[Eames is not unaware of the pattern that's started emerging over these last months. The way the tension and the anger in him starts to build like a pressure cooker left unattended until he's ready to fight with anyone at the drop of a hat. It's almost easy to forget he's not like this after a couple of weeks pass, he's never been an angry person. Never been particularly combative outside specific situations. As the time ticks over, it's about all he can do not to start a fistfight with anyone who looks at him.]

[But then they do a job, and Eames gets an outlet for that violence coiled up inside him, and when they get back he's calm again. Serene. Back to himself. It's not something Eames is oblivious to, he just feels like at this point it's a state of being he has to accept. Every conversation he and Arthur have had gets filed away in his mind as something else to be ashamed of, something else that's off-limits, so this is just what it is now until Arthur gets sick of putting up with him and they part ways.]

[At least they're at the good part of things right now, a few days out from a successful job. Eames, at least, is pretty relaxed. Idly going over a few law enforcement transcripts while he eats to check if there's anything out here they should be aware of.]

Comments

[falsify]

[It's probably not even a minute, but it feels like forever that Eames spends arguing with himself; he can't convince himself not to feel guilty or ashamed, that's a much bigger project, but he can at least not pull away from Arthur. He can do that.]

[Eames takes a deep breath and lifts his head enough to lean in for a soft kiss.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur kisses him and fights the urge to say something reassuring. Judging by how it's gone in the past, staying here like this must be really difficult for Eames, and Arthur doesn't want to be patronizing or give him something to argue against. Instead, he just remains present, tightening his arm around him to get a little bit closer and closing his eyes. His heart rate still hasn't fully calmed down, might as well focus on that for a moment.]

[falsify]

[Eames makes a pleased noise against Arthur's lips when he feels that arm around him and lifts a hand to cup his cheek, pressing his forehead to Arthur's again when he pulls back from the kiss. He takes a deep breath, quiet as he contemplates what to say or do, and decides to go with the simplest thing.]

Thank you.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur's quiet for a moment, just holding Eames close and taking in his presence.]

Of course.

[falsify]

[Eames makes a slightly displeased noise and shakes his head.]

No.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur raises an eyebrow at him sleepily.]

No?

[falsify]

[Eames isn't sure how to explain his problem, frowning as he tries to find the words to tell Arthur what bothers him. The way it makes it sound like this was no big deal, something easy and simple.]

That makes it sound like it was nothing.

[He just wants Arthur to acknowledge his own work okay.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur's not necessarily comfortable wading into this territoy this soon after the sex. His tone is gentle but a little wry when he speaks.]

Mm, you're right, I am pretty sweaty.

[falsify]

[Okay, this is where they're at. It only takes Eames a moment to switch gears and then he's humming softly in thought and nosing at Arthur's jaw.]

We both are.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur's not generally the type to put off debriefing, but for this... it's almost definitely better to, even if the urge is there.]

You wanna just take a nap?

[falsify]

[On one hand, Eames is a little worried he won't be able to talk about this when the moment's passed, but sleep does sound really good. He sighs softly and nods, tucking himself against Arthur to get comfortable and try to get at least a little.]

[specifiercity]

[After that performance, Arthur is quick to fall asleep, holding Eames close as he drifts off.]

[falsify]

[Eames always sleeps peacefully after this, so the fact that he's just a bit restless is probably noteworthy, but it's fine. He sighs when he eventually wakes up and can't get back to sleep and tightens his arms around Arthur, cuddling in as close as he can. Even if he can't sleep, he's gonna get as much of this as possible.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur wakes after a couple hours, slowly coming to and turning his head to nose at Eames' hair.]

[falsify]

[Eames hums happily at the attention, murmuring some vague affirmation.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur kisses the top of Eames' head, adjusting his arm to pull Eames close.]

You sleep?

[falsify]

A bit.

[specifiercity]

S'good.

[Arthur's still at least 30% asleep, but he's alert enough to pull Eames in a little more.]

[falsify]

[He curls up a bit more in response, humming softly and nosing at Arthur's throat.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur makes an amused sound and brushes his thumb back and forth on Eames' back.]

Love you.

[falsify]

Love you too.

[have a kiss.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur grins a little wider, happy for the affection.]

How d'you feel?

[falsify]

[Oh--] Better.

[He tucks his head against Arthur's shoulder again, sighing and tightens his arm around Arthur. He wants to say it was perfect, that he doesn't feel that issue still in the pit of his stomach, but it'll do.]

[specifiercity]

Yeah?

[He doesn't sound skeptical, maybe just a bit worried he's not hearing the whole truth.]

You sure?

[falsify]

Yeah.

[Mmm okay.] It's-- It took the edge off.