i think i'm losing my grip

[falsify]

[Eames is not unaware of the pattern that's started emerging over these last months. The way the tension and the anger in him starts to build like a pressure cooker left unattended until he's ready to fight with anyone at the drop of a hat. It's almost easy to forget he's not like this after a couple of weeks pass, he's never been an angry person. Never been particularly combative outside specific situations. As the time ticks over, it's about all he can do not to start a fistfight with anyone who looks at him.]

[But then they do a job, and Eames gets an outlet for that violence coiled up inside him, and when they get back he's calm again. Serene. Back to himself. It's not something Eames is oblivious to, he just feels like at this point it's a state of being he has to accept. Every conversation he and Arthur have had gets filed away in his mind as something else to be ashamed of, something else that's off-limits, so this is just what it is now until Arthur gets sick of putting up with him and they part ways.]

[At least they're at the good part of things right now, a few days out from a successful job. Eames, at least, is pretty relaxed. Idly going over a few law enforcement transcripts while he eats to check if there's anything out here they should be aware of.]

Comments

[falsify]

Sometimes I think... If I could figure out why, but...

[He shakes his head.]

I don't think it actually matters. There's no getting rid of it.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur sighs, brushing his thumb back and forth while he thinks.]

Guess you shouldn't waste the energy trying to make it go away then, right? It's more about coexisting with it.

[falsify]

[That makes sense, but he doesn't like it. He slips an extra arm around Arthur for some security and sighs.]

I had been, but it's different with you.

[specifiercity]

[He gives Eames a squeeze.]

Yeah, this is different than anything either of us have done, I think. But even if it's good, being happy takes work sometimes.

[falsify]

I know.

[God does he know. Doesn't mean he's happy about it.]

[specifiercity]

[He kisses Eames' hair.]

I love you.

[falsify]

I love you too.

[His arms flex briefly, clearly wanting to squeeze Arthur but he doesn't let himself, instead breathing out through his nose, voice barely above a murmur.]

I love you so fucking much. I'd do anything--

[specifiercity]

I know, me too.

[He rubs Eames' back and hums.]

That's why I wanna help you be happy.

[falsify]

[He's still for a moment, and then Eames lifts his head to nose at Arthur for a kiss. He has so many emotions about this man right now.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur's happy to provide him with that kiss, just slow and gentle.]

[falsify]

[Eames' eyes fall closed with a gentle sigh, taking his time to really absorb everything about this.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur just holds Eames close, not escalating unless Eames does first.]

[falsify]

[Eames isn't completely sure what he wants, just that he needs to be as close to Arthur as he can be. He leans a little into the kiss, desperate for some kind of relief from the weight of everything they've talked about.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur's not going to push it, but he does hold Eames as close as possible and lets out a soft hum.]

[falsify]

[Eames settles down a bit after a moment or two of that, sighing softly into the kiss and wrapping himself around Arthur as much as possible.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur hugs Eames tight and settles in for a nap or whatever they're about to do, happy with how they've left it.]

[falsify]

[And they stay cuddled up like that for ages and ages because they're gross and in love.]

[A few weeks later they're drifting through on their way to an outpost for a supply run when Eames feels himself getting that creeping feeling up the back of his neck, the way he's slowly becoming more tense, more combative. It's not something regular — sometimes it's weeks, sometimes months go by with no issue — so he's never really prepared for it, but it's been consistent enough for these last few days that he can't just write it off as a bad mood. Which is... Well, he's not happy about it, that's for sure.]

[After everything this last year, he's hesitant to come to Arthur, but he said he would. Eames paces for a while before he starts looking for him, softly calling Arthur's name when he thinks he's in the same part of the ship to see where he is.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur's idly reading through some documents on a tablet when Eames calls for him. They've got a dozen hours or so before they have to worry about landing so he's just chilling out, but Eames' voice doesn't fully pull his attention away.]

In here.

[falsify]

[Eames follows Arthur's voice to him, obviously tense when he comes in the room. The easy way would be to start a fight, something small to get Arthur wound up but not enough to make him angry enough to leave but. Right, honesty is a thing. He's trying to be better at that.]

[Arguing about something sounds so good right now though.]

Hey-- I need...

[How did he even ask for this before. Eames pulls a face, brows knit and jaw clenched as he tries to just get it out.]

I need your help.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur doesn't look up when Eames walks in, but when Eames asks for help he finally turns his head and immediately responds with a gentle frown.]

What's up?

[falsify]

Me.

[Eames crosses his arms, looking aside for a moment before he forces himself to look back at Arthur.]

It's that time again.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur's brow furrows in confusion for a moment, but he quickly realizes what this might be about and puts the tablet down. He stands up and gets up close to Eames, lifting a hand to his cheek.]

What do you need?

[falsify]

[He tilts his head into Arthur's hand, looking up at him with a frown. He hates having to explain himself, and it's taking everything in him not to push Arthur.]

[He exhales heavily through his nose.]

I don't know, I just-- I need something hard and rough and fucking...

[Arthur please he's trying so hard.]

[specifiercity]

[It's not that Arthur doesn't have any reservations about this, but here Eames is actually asking for once and Arthur wants to help him.]

Okay.

[He takes a deep breath and brushes Eames' cheek with his thumb.]

Let's go.

[falsify]

[Eames exhales and nods, immediately turning to head back to their quarters. He's very impatient here.]