ruffians | the punchline to the joke is asking "someone save us"

Terry...

[Maxxie feels his eyes sting. He makes his way over to the table, still a hesitant beat in his step, and crouches down beside it.]

I'm not--

[It catches in his throat, and he reaches out to put his hand on Terry's forearm, to prove that he's real.]

I'm not a hallucination.

No...

[Terry shakes his head again, but he's looking at Maxxie now. Really looking. Eyes misting up a little because that looks like him and it feels like him but...]

You went home. [it sounds more like he's trying to reassure himself than he is sharing a fact] You have a family and friends and-- And you went home.

[Maxxie sniffs and lifts his free hand to wipe away tears even though they haven't fallen yet. He doesn't have anything he can say to Terry that will sum up the complicated feelings he had about all of this, and he doesn't want to muddle this moment with all of that anyway. There's only one thing that matters right now.]

I came back.

What--No. Why?

[Terry frowns. He doesn't understand this, he doesn't understand any of it. Why... Why would Maxxie come back? For what? Some hollowed out record label and a shitty boyfriend?]

[Maxxie reaches out to put his hand on Terry's cheek, a tear finally falling as he smiles. His voice breaks a little when he speaks - he didn't think it would feel this heavy to be around him again but after thinking they might never see each other...]

I love you so much.

Maxxie, don't...

[He's crying, he's sure of it. A mix of exhaustion and heartbreak-- not that he doesn't want Maxxie here — god he's missed him so much it hurts — but he had things to go back to, that mattered. That were more important than this.]

[Terry's voice catches in his throat and it's almost a struggle to speak when what he wants is to just throw himself into Maxxie's arms and never leave.]

You have a life-- You've got friends and family and a dog and I'm not... I'm not worth that, Max.

Terry, stop.

[It comes out more like a plea than a demand.]

Please, just... just come here.

[He could keep talking, keep going on about not being worth it, but Maxxie asks him to come and it's like he's been issued with an order. Slipping out of his seat and onto his knees in front of Maxxie. He resists the urge to throw himself at him for all of a second, about as long as the time it takes him to hesitantly put a hand on Maxxie's chest, and then he's putting his arms around him and pressing his face into his shoulder with a sob.]

I missed you. I missed you so much.

[Terry's clinging hard, hands bunched in the back of Maxxie's shirt. He's thought about this a lot, usually his fantasies are cooler than him crying on the floor of an abandoned bar, but he's so overwhelmed. Scared and relieved all in one, and so, so very tired.]

I know, me too. I’m so sorry Ter...

[Having Terry in his arms has almost a calming effect on all the anxious knots that were riddling his body. He feels hus chest immediately settle but the tears come freely now, partly in relief and partly in joy and partly in the overwhelming sadness he feels at having been apart so long. He had tried to convince himself that love couldn’t possibly run this deep just to save himself from the pain but it all comes crashing back now and god it hurts.]

[They can talk when everything isn't so much, maybe. Terry just... He doesn't want Maxxie to waste his life on him, but he also doesn't want Maxxie to leave. Not again. He doesn't know if he could handle it.]

[He looks up from Maxxie's shoulder, at his face and then down at the ground, offering a slightly wet laugh when he speaks.]

We must look so dumb right now.

[Maxxie laughs too, hugging Terry just a little tighter.]

Yeah. I don’t care right now.

[Terry just takes that as a reason to go back to pressing his face against Maxxie's shoulder with another sob.]

I can't believe you're here.

[Maxxie rubs Terry’s back and then pulls away just enough to rest his forehead against Terry’s.]

I know, me either.

[He’s suddenly nervous to kiss him, like Terry won’t accept it. He knows that’s probably ridiculous but he hesitates anyway, continuing instead.]

I needed to see you again.

I don't understand.

[He's a little hesitant, even scared. Partially because he doesn't want to do that thing where he goes on about why Maxxie shouldn't care so much about him, and he's worried he will if he starts talking at length, but also because it just seems too good to be true.]

[Swallowing, Terry lifts his hand to cup Maxxie's cheek. Cautious as if he'll suddenly fade away into nothingness if he's too hasty.]

[Maxxie smiles and shakes his head. At the moment he doesn't want to explain why or how he got here beyond what he's already said.]

It's a long story. I'm here now.

[He doesn't know if that's a permanent state of being or not - he hasn't gotten that far yet.]

I can't believe how much I missed you.

[Terry brushes his thumb over Maxxie's cheek, overwhelmed by how much he missed him, how good it is to see him right now. It hurts how much he wants to hold on to him and never let go, he can barely think about anything else.]

[Well, except how his knees are starting to hurt.]

... We should get off the floor.

[Just take him to bed and make him go to sleep for once.]

Yeah.

[He sighs, looking around at the bar. There are so many memories here that still feel like they don't belong to him, because he didn't know who he was when he made them. It's such a weird sensation, to have had a time when he was just... someone else for a while, and to be able to remember that and everything that came before.]

[That's not worth fixating on right now.]

Are you staying here?

Yeah, still in the penthouse.

[Terry stands with a grunt and looks at the table, tiredly shoving all the papers in his bag and slinging it over his shoulder.]

I... Didn't see much point in leaving.

[Maxxie follows Terry up, stuffing his hands in his pockets nervously.]

S'okay.

[He shrugs.]

Just thought we could go lay down or something.

[There's a hopeful but hesitant smile on his face.]

Yeah-- Yeah.

[Terry returns that hesitant smile, looking down and away a little bashfully.]

That sounds good.

[The look on Terry's face gives him a touch more confidence, enough for him to reach out and take his hand, biting his lip. This is a different kind of nervous that he had before he saw Terry; now he's just worried Terry doesn't want to be with him the same way. Not after he left.]

Good. Let's go, then.

[Terry's quiet the whole way, just focusing on the feeling of Maxxie's hand in his, staying close to soak up some of his warmth.]

[The penthouse is quiet and empty and barely used save for empty coffee mugs all over the surfaces, and his bedroom is a mess. Clothes littered all over the place and more cups on the nightstand and the desk. He's so used to it at this point that Terry doesn't even register it as strange or embarrassing, laser focused on laying down instead.]

[He drops his bag and sits on the edge of the bed, looking up at Maxxie. Suddenly uncertain and worried all over again.]

[It's a mess, and Maxxie's not surprised. The state of him is telling and Maxxie's not about to judge him for what all of this looks like. They've been through a great ordeal.]

[He swallows and sits down beside Terry, turning to look at him as he brings his hand up to Terry's hair.]

I thought about you every day.

I missed you so much.

[He feels his eyes stinging again and he blinks back the tears, looking down at his hand on the bed between them as he chews his lip.]

I thought... I thought I'd never see you again, but I... [He takes a shaky breath] I thought "at least he's at home," you know? "At least he's safe." But it never made it any easier.

[He's rambling now, he wants to stop but it's like he's opened the floodgates and it's impossible now. He ducks his head a little, pressing the heel of a hand to his eyes to wipe away tears that haven't fallen yet.]

It hurts. I didn't know-- [His voice catches in his throat and he shakes his head, willing himself not to cry again even with the lump in his throat and the way his eyes and nose are stinging.] I didn't know you could miss someone so much that it hurt like that.

I didn't either.

[He lets out a soft sob as he speaks, breathing in slow to try and stop his voice from breaking.]

I honestly tried, I thought... I thought that was where I was supposed to be. I kept telling myself that I was meant for that life and maybe I am, I don't know, but... I was meant for you too.

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