vampire trash? me?

[falsify]

[It's been on his mind a lot over the last few weeks, the idea of becoming a vampire. Partially because he's looking older than Arthur these days, and if he lets that go on too long it's going to get pretty weird, but moreover he just feels ready]

[Anxious as fuck, but ready.]

[The idea of it is terrifying — he'd gone to Mal for an explanation of the finer details rather than worry Arthur with his questions, seeing as she's actually done it before and Arthur hasn't — the idea that he could just... Die. It's not one that sits easy with Eames. He rather likes being alive, in fact half the point of becoming a vampire is to keep being alive, for a stretch on the word, forever.]

[So he's been dealing with that a lot, pretending otherwise whenever Arthur notices him being distant or pensive so he can work out his feelings on this without any outside influence. He knows Arthur wouldn't be mad if he changed his mind, it's a huge change to undertake, but it's not that he might not want this so much as wondering if the risks are really worth it.]

[They are.]

[But now they need to talk about it, so Eames is psyching himself up to do exactly that. Offered to stay in and make dinner while Arthur's off doing his errands to give himself some time alone to think about it. Maybe making some significant progress on a bottle of wine to calm his nerves, maybe it'll slow him down enough Arthur won't realise how keyed up he is the second he gets home.]

Comments

[specifiercity]

[Arthur leans back and studies Eames' face thoughtfully. It takes a little while before he speaks.]

I get that you're eager to do this.

[It sounds like there's a 'but' coming at the end of that sentence, and Arthur even feels compelled to come up with one on the spot, but...]

I guess we should start really talking about it.

[falsify]

Maybe when I'm a bit more awake.

[If he sounds a little like he's disengaging it's because he is. It's rare for Eames to let his excitement or his feelings get the better of him and to say he feels embarrassed or stupid because of it would be an understatement.]

[Still not looking at Arthur, he turns his head to look at the pillows and slips away from him to lie down.]

I'm going to get some more sleep.

[specifiercity]

[His immediate instinct is to tell Eames to quit avoiding the problem, but he thinks better of it, taking a deep breath instead. He affectionately rubs Eames' shoulder and then turns around to get out of bed, picking up his laptop.]

I'm not going anywhere tonight so if you decide to stay up I'll be in the living room.

[falsify]

[Eames gets another little bit of sleep, but it's not much. He's in a shit mood now and it's hard to sleep comfortably in that circumstance. It's only an hour, maybe an hour and a half before he's throwing on some sweatpants and heading out to the living room to find Arthur.]

[He doesn't exactly look happy, but he sits down on the couch with a sigh.]

Okay, let's talk about this.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur raises his eyebrows as Eames walks in, hoping he's not in a terrible enough mood that he wants to start a fight or whatever. It's hard not to sigh with relief when it turns out it's not that, but the hesitance he feels to be too assuming here definitely helps with that.]

Okay. Where do you want to start?

[falsify]

No idea.

[He shrugs and purses his lips, he's being a little short, but he's trying to push through his mood here.]

[He sighs.] What's been on your mind the most?

[specifiercity]

[Arthur has to deliberate on whether he's going to be honest about this for a moment. The real answer feels a little crazy and he only managed to say it out loud once he got to Mal's and he doesn't want to burden Eames with this. It takes a little while before he speaks.]

Honestly, it's just the idea that I'm going to screw this up somehow. I mean, it's not like it's hard - vampires do it by accident all the time and you have to monumentally fuck part of it up to fail but... you're putting your life in my hands. Part of me really wants to delay that, which is why I'm...

[He gestures vaguely. He knows he's been pushing Eames to enjoy his time as a mortal, sometimes as a way to avoid talking about all of this, but now it's time.]

[falsify]

[Eames actually has to laugh at that. He doesn't mean to, but it bubbles out of him and he shakes his head and looks at Arthur.]

You have no idea how hard it is not to be thinking about it all the time.

[He lifts his chin and sighs.]

I'm really not okay with the idea of ending up dead and gone, but I'm trusting you with my life every time you bite me. I'm trying really hard to just... Think of it like that. I know it's not the same, but I'd easily go insane fretting over whether or not this'll be the end of me.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur puts his hand on Eames’ shoulder and sighs.]

You’re going to drink as much of my blood as you can stomach to make sure that doesn’t happen.

[falsify]

Trust me, that was very much my plan.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur gives Eames a sad but affectionate smile, glad to hae said that out loud but only marginally less worried. There's no use dwelling on it in any case.]

What about you? Is there anything else you've been thinking about?

[falsify]

[Eames is quiet for a long moment, staring down at his hands. He definitely looks uncomfortable with what he's about to ask.]

How did it change you? Do you remember?

[specifiercity]

[Arthur doesn't look shocked at the question but it does give him pause. He's been doing a lot of self-reflection on this topic trying to anticipate anything Eames might run into but he didn't really expect to be articulating it right now.]

[He takes a deep breath and proceeds in a careful, measured tone.]

I mean, it was a long time ago, so I don't remember exactly everything I was feeling and thinking at the time, but it was definitely an adjustment. There's a learning curve to managing the hunger, so it can feel kind of... all consuming, at first. At one point I didn't care who died, as long as I ate, and I had to be reminded that human life is still important.

[He's not looking at Eames as he talks, feeling some shame still over the way he used to be.]

That's the obvious part. I don't know, I hope it'll be different for you, but... realizing I was dead left me feeling kind of hopeless. It's not like I've ever been the most cheerful person, but I... I don't know how to explain it.

[falsify]

[It's pretty much the answer he expected — Eames has heard Arthur bitch about vampires who can't keep their hunger in check enough to expect that problem — and Eames isn't really sure if it's a relief or a disappointment.]

[A bit of both, really.]

[Still, he reaches for one of Arthur's hands.]

Well I've got you to help me through all that, don't I?

[specifiercity]

[Arthur squeezes Eames' hand with a weak smile.]

I think the fact that you have a choice in it puts you way ahead of me already. When I got turned I thought I might still part ways with Mal and Dom and continue on with my life.

[It occurs to him he's never really told anyone that before and it feels weird to get it out. He doesn't really resent them - that much is obvious - but it's still one of those things he can't help but think about from time to time.]

[falsify]

[Eames shifts to get a little closer to Arthur.]

Must've been rough for you.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur shrugs a shoulder and looks up at Eames.]

There's no point dwelling on it. At this point I doubt I ever would have been as happy in my human life as I am now with you.

[falsify]

[Eames snorts an amused laugh and shakes his head.]

That's disgusting.

[specifiercity]

It's true.

[Arthur leans in to give him a kiss, hoping they can stop talking about how hard it was for him to turn.]

[falsify]

[Eames goes for it, lifting his other hand to cup Arthur's face and he shifts to get even closer to him with a pleased sigh.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur hums happily as he kisses him, pulling back after a moment.]

How about we just enjoy the rest of tonight and we can start making actual plans tomorrow.

[falsify]

[Eames nods and makes a soft noise, agreeing. Which Eames has decided means Arthur is going to accommodate Eames laying all over him because he's tired and cranky.]

[He doesn't even wait for Arthur's input, he just lays himself on the couch and puts his head in his lap, looking up at Arthur all pleased with himself.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur's absolutely fine with all of that, and when Eames lays down he puts his hand on his cheek and smiles back down at him affectionately. They spend the rest of the night like that, just laying together and talking about nothing too heavy. It's nice.]

[The next night, Arthur doesn't bother beating around the bush about it. He wakes up and gets some blood and some coffee in him and sits down at the table already looking a little bit tired about all of this.]

[falsify]

[Well it's always great when you go into the kitchen and your boyfriend looks like he's about to interview you at the end of a long day. Eames pours his own coffee and sits down opposite Arthur, his own brand of tired, and sighs.]

So what do we need to talk about?

[That's why he's wearing the face, right.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur knows he's maybe making this look more ominous than it needs to be, and he sighs.]

How about setting a date?