vampire trash? me?

[falsify]

[It's been on his mind a lot over the last few weeks, the idea of becoming a vampire. Partially because he's looking older than Arthur these days, and if he lets that go on too long it's going to get pretty weird, but moreover he just feels ready]

[Anxious as fuck, but ready.]

[The idea of it is terrifying — he'd gone to Mal for an explanation of the finer details rather than worry Arthur with his questions, seeing as she's actually done it before and Arthur hasn't — the idea that he could just... Die. It's not one that sits easy with Eames. He rather likes being alive, in fact half the point of becoming a vampire is to keep being alive, for a stretch on the word, forever.]

[So he's been dealing with that a lot, pretending otherwise whenever Arthur notices him being distant or pensive so he can work out his feelings on this without any outside influence. He knows Arthur wouldn't be mad if he changed his mind, it's a huge change to undertake, but it's not that he might not want this so much as wondering if the risks are really worth it.]

[They are.]

[But now they need to talk about it, so Eames is psyching himself up to do exactly that. Offered to stay in and make dinner while Arthur's off doing his errands to give himself some time alone to think about it. Maybe making some significant progress on a bottle of wine to calm his nerves, maybe it'll slow him down enough Arthur won't realise how keyed up he is the second he gets home.]

Comments

[specifiercity]

[Arthur's only out for just over an hour, luckily not running into any trouble with any of his "clients" tonight beyond a hushed argument about whether it's okay to buy bloodbags from someone in medical scrubs in a back alley a couple blocks from the hospital. He has no idea that tonight is significant for any reason so he even stops for a coffee on the way home, enjoying the evening air as he finds his way home. He's in about as neutral a state as he gets, when he opens the door and calls out to Eames, and he's looking forward to the dinner that his boyfriend is putting together.]

[falsify]

[Eames thought he was totally relaxed, but then he hears the door and Arthur's voice and his stomach jumps into his throat. He looks at the oven and regrets not cooking something on the stove so he'd have something to occupy his hands and attention.]

[With the amount of wine he's getting through though, it's probably a good thing he didn't.]

[He calls back to let Arthur know he's in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with his wine while he waits.]

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[Arthur drops his stuff and comes over to Eames, intending to get all up in his space with a soft "hey," a hand on his waist and a kiss on the cheek. His boyfriend is so handsome especially when he cooks.]

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[Eames smiles tightly and puts a hand on Arthur's hip. In a way, it's relaxing having Arthur this close. A tangible reminder of how much he loves and trusts him. He wouldn't put his life in anybody else's hands.]

Everything go smoothly?

[specifiercity]

[Arthur senses something might be amiss but he's never considered himself an expert on Eames' microexpressions (in fact he gave up trying to be years ago, years after he realized they were even a thing, which was in turn years after they started dating) so he just smiles and looks at Eames' glass of wine thoughtfully.]

Yep, no bumps tonight. It's almost suspicious how good everyone's been lately.

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You should just enjoy it before you end up with your hands full again.

[He says it softly, slipping his hand around to Arthur's lower back to try and pull him closer. Putting it off, he knows, but Eames wants to indulge in a little affection before the night gets serious.]

[specifiercity]

Oh I plan to.

[He grins and brings his hand up to brush his fingers along Eames' jaw, leaning in for a soft kiss. He still has no clue that anything is up and at this point he's just looking forward to a nice comfortable night in with Eames.]

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[Eames meets him for the kiss, but it's chaste and quick. He sighs, head ducked a little to avoid Arthur's gaze, anf he puts his glass aside so he can put his other hand on his chest.]

Listen, I... Need to talk to you.

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[Arthur's expression slowly transforms to a mixture of concern and confusion, pulling away just enough to look at Eames' face.]

Oh.

[He drops his hand to put both of them on Eames' waist, glancing down between them like Eames' body language will tell him something first.]

Okay.

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I was sort of hoping you'd take a little longer, food usually helps.

[He says it with a bit of a laugh, trying to make it seem less serious, but he also pulls his hands back so Arthur can move away easily if he wants.]

It's nothing bad, it's just... It's been on my mind recently.

[specifiercity]

Okay.

[He does pull back, more to give Eames space if he needs, taking a step away and putting his hands on his hips. He's already running through all the things this could be but he waits for Eames to talk first.]

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[Eames picks up his wine glass, though he doesn't take a sip, just looks down at what's left and taps his fingers against the side arrhythmically while he talks.]

I don't know if you remember, years ago we talked about turning me and I said I wanted a few more years. If I've got the choice, et cetera.

[He frowns at the glass, brow deeply creased like he's worried.]

I think-- I'm there now. I'm ready.

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[Arthur feels his stomach drop and his expression hardens just a litttle as he searches Eames' face to look for... regret? Apprehension? He doesn't know what he's looking for he just wishes he could know exactly how Eames is feeling right now.]

[He almost asks if Eames is sure but he stops himself - Eames has clearly been thinking about this and he's had a few years to do so so it's not really Arthur's place to ask if he's sure. On the other hand there's no way for him to understand what exactly he's getting himself into. There are things that Arthur aches to feel again sometimes and he wishes he could have warned himself, could have told himself to just spend one more day in the sun meditating on his own beating heart. Maybe that would have just made it harder. Maybe that would make it harder for Eames if he said all of those things he's thought about going back and saying to himself. Maybe all of this was a mistake from the very beginning and Arthur has to put a stop to it if he can, but then again maybe Eames is an adult who is capable of making this decision and Arthur should just be glad that he wants to join him in eternity.]

[God, it's a lot. Arthur realizes he's been quiet, staring at the floor for a while now. He licks his lips and looks up at Eames.]

Are you sure?

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[It's a fight not to respond sarcastically, as if he hasn't gone over this again and again in his head. As if he isn't intimately aware of some of the worst parts of being a vampire. Sure, he hasn't experienced them, but he's spoken to and been around Arthur enough to have a pretty good idea.]

[He's going to miss sunshine a lot, but that's what daylight bulbs are for.]

Yes, I'm sure.

[It comes out a little snippy, but Arthur did pick potentially the worst question he could ask. As if Eames hasn't been considering this for years.]

[specifiercity]

I'm sorry, I have to ask.

[He steps back toward Eames, holding up his hand to touch Eames' chest but hesitating and dropping it again. There are so many questions he has and so many things he wants to say but all of them are things he can't imagine Eames hasn't considered already.]

This is... it's a really big deal.

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Arthur, I've spent years thinking about this. About what I'd miss, how I might change. Making sure the reasons I want this aren't all tied up in that handsome guy I live with.

[He's still frowning, mostly because this is serious, and he shakes his head with another sigh.]

I'm sure.

[specifiercity]

[It's a struggle not to grill Eames on all of those things, so Arthur steps away to get a wine glass for himself and pour a generous helping. He has to cycle through a lot of other stuff before he finally arrives at the most logical next question.]

When do you want to do it?

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If you're still... Willing. I can wait for you.

[He looks up at Arthur a little hesitantly, suddenly aware that Arthur might not even want to do this. It's different in theory to in practice, the idea of changing someone so fundamentally. It's a huge thing.]

[specifiercity]

[Arthur blows out a breath hard through his nose, staring down into his wine glass for a moment before he takes a swig. There are so many things that could go wrong, and so many irreversable consequences that he’s not sure he can deal with yet. He looks around the room for a little while, cycling through a few more thoughts that need to be dismissed as he accepts what’s going to happen.]

I just need some time. I need to make sure I’m ready to do this.

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[Eames nods and rests his hand on Arthur's arm, a bit of an attempt to give it a soothing rub.]

That's fine, I understand.

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[Arthur glances at the hand on his arm and then after a moment’s hesitation he looks up at Eames’ face. Another moment passes and he comes back into Eames’ space, resting a palm lightly on his chest.]

I’ll need at least a week just to make sure I’ve had enough of this.

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[Eames laughs softly and drapes his arms over Arthur's shoulders.]

How about I make spending time with you my first priority this week?

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[Arthur hums and noses at Eames’ face, resting his forehead against Eames’ forehead.]

You should make yourself the first priority. I don’t want you to go into immortality wishing you had spent one more day on the beach.

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I'm sure I could find a way if I really wanted.

[He noses back at Arthur's face, closing his eyes with a sigh.]

You're right.. I'll think about it in the morning.

[specifiercity]

[Arthur sighs and rubs Eames' chest.]

I know you've been thinking about it for a while but please don't rush into this. Take a trip if you have to, just don't take this last little bit for granted.